THE CLUB OF GOD-FEARING MEN: EPISODE 1
The alarm clock plus the continuous jabs to his back caused his eyes to peel open in a slow unhurried manner.
“Ahn ahn, wetin sef?” he croaked, rolling on his side.
“Seven ‘o’ clock don knack, dude. You don forget today na Sunday?”
The owner of the voice was Sly whose real name was Solomon.
“So, na im you wan break my back?”
Genesis raised himself up, in slow movements. Everything about him was done without hurry.
Nothing in life was worth the rush, he often told friends.
“Abeg your mouth dey smell. Na orijin you drink
last night, abi?” Sly was hovering over the mattress in boxers and singlet, clutching a towel.
Genesis eyed him. “I no fit remember. I was
“And you know say today na Sunday, you go party last night. Na so you wan go meet Jesus abi?”
“Why you dey shout? I tell you say I get hangover?”
Sly sighed, kicking the mattress. “We have a deal, dude. Don’t forget.”
Genesis moaned as he remembered the deal.
It had started out as a mini boys’ night out, like they usually did. Him, Sly, Tango and Chris were hanging out at the club that Friday, tossing back shots of tequila mixed with humour.
Then one of them, Chris, had said something about the latest girl he was into.
“One church babe like that o, the babe no dey even give me face,” he lamented. “And she fine die, see curves mehn!”
“Use your charms on her na. You na fine boy,” Sly urged.
“Omo, this babe is not smiling jor. I don try all my tricks, she no budge.”
“Then leave am. Wetin she get sef?” Tango said.
He was tall with ripping muscles and stretch marks that crept out from under his sleeveless shirts.
“There’s something sexy about babes you can’t have,” Genesis chipped in, biting down on the lime that came with his drink. “Especially these real spirikoko church girls. Those ones that will dress simple without excess makeup and all that, and then when you look underneath that simple
façade, there’s a hot chick waiting to be unleashed.”
“Exactly, bro.” Chris nodded.
“Are you saying church babes no dey get conji?” Tango asked, grinning.
“No, not every church babe, no be those ones wey dey rush hide under church when they don dey old and dey find God-fearing husband. Not that type. I mean deep, correct sistah-in-da-Lord.” Genesis continued.
“And na their own go sweet pass o!” Sly chuckled. He was dark with feral features that most women found irresistible.
“True!” the other three agreed.
“Anybody don nail that kain girl before? Tango?”
Chris asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
“Why you call my name first eh?”
They laughed, they all knew that Tango was a relentless womanizer; his well-built chest and the fact that he often modeled, was an aphrodisiac for the women.
“Oya, make we do am like this. What is the thing
church babes find most attractive?” Genesis asked.
“Jesus Christ?” Sly replied and they burst into laughter.
“Idiot. Check their prayer point and you will see the first thing there na God-fearing-man.”
Genesis replied. “You see Caro my neighbor; on Friday night you go hear uh uh uh from her room and Sunday morning you go dey hear prayer of send me a God-fearing- husband. Even prostitutes dey find God-fearing man!” Genesis said.
“Oya in essence what are you saying?” Tango asked.
“I’m saying, Chris if you want to nail a spirikoko sister, you have to become what they want the most.”
“A God-fearing-man!” they recited.
And that was how it began. Their little joke had morphed into something like a challenge, four of them decided to take on new identities to nail the spirikoko women of their choice. That was two weeks ago; since then they had been scouting for the right churches to attend.
The first one Genesis had attended had been disqualified the moment he met the usher at the
door; a woman whose cleavages did more welcoming than the rest of her. His seatmate too, shoki-ed all the way through praise-worship and promptly dozed off as soon as the Pastor mounted the pulpit.
At the end of the service, the sister who was part of the first timers welcome committee had given him a hug that gave him an erection.
“We hope you enjoyed fellowshipping with us?” she said, with a bright smile.
“I sure did enjoy fellowshipping with them,” he replied, his eyes never leaving her heavy chest.
He did not return to that church, it would not have been much of a challenge to pick any lady in that church for their little game.
The second church he attended, located in the cul-de-sac in their street was a laugh. The first thing that had struck him was the lady who wore skirts so tight he thought they would split when she started rolling on the floor speaking in tongues.
He almost laughed at the display while watching it through his hands. Who said church wasn’t much fun?
This time when the service was over, a woman who looked a total contrast to the tight-skirt floor-roller, in her grey sweeping gown and headgear that covered her ears approached him with a semi-scowl.
Genesis had wondered if she could see into his soul and hated him already.
“Welcome brother. Are you born again?”
“Er…”he was taken aback, especially since he had planned to leave as soon as the service was over.
“You are not. I see generational curses following you, brother. Right there, hovering above your head is a black coffin. Brother, you need deliverance, you need help from God.”
“At least me I have coffin hanging over my head, you are lying inside a grave. Rubbish.” With that
he hissed and exited the church.
Those were the two churches he had tried so far.
His friends had spread out too; they didn’t want to concentrate on one church. So far, nobody except Chris had found the right church to settle in.
Genesis sighed as he made his way to the bathroom; it was going to be another dramatic Sunday.
He hoped to have better luck at his next stop.
Written by Mimi Adebayo
Miracle Adebayo is a young lady with an incurable passion for writing. She has her eyes firmly set on the top ranks of the New York Times Bestsellers List and believes that she will make it someday by the grace of God who is her main source of inspiration. Her works have been published on several literary sites some of which are Naijastories.com, thenukanniche.com, theafricanstreetwriters and of course, wordsarework.com! You can catch more of her stories on her blog www.mimiadebayo.com.