THE CLUB OF GOD-FEARING MEN: EPISODE 1

club_of_god-fearing-men

THE CLUB OF GOD-FEARING MEN: EPISODE 1

The alarm clock plus the continuous jabs to his back caused his eyes to peel open in a slow unhurried manner.
“Ahn ahn, wetin sef?” he croaked, rolling on his side.
“Seven ‘o’ clock don knack, dude. You don forget today na Sunday?”
The owner of the voice was Sly whose real name was Solomon.
“So, na im you wan break my back?”

Genesis raised himself up, in slow movements. Everything about him was done without hurry.
Nothing in life was worth the rush, he often told friends.
“Abeg your mouth dey smell. Na orijin you drink
last night, abi?” Sly was hovering over the mattress in boxers and singlet, clutching a towel.
Genesis eyed him. “I no fit remember. I was
wasted.”
“And you know say today na Sunday, you go party last night. Na so you wan go meet Jesus abi?”
“Why you dey shout? I tell you say I get hangover?”
Sly sighed, kicking the mattress. “We have a deal, dude. Don’t forget.”
Genesis moaned as he remembered the deal.

It had started out as a mini boys’ night out, like they usually did. Him, Sly, Tango and Chris were hanging out at the club that Friday, tossing back shots of tequila mixed with humour.
Then one of them, Chris, had said something about the latest girl he was into.
“One church babe like that o, the babe no dey even give me face,” he lamented. “And she fine die, see curves mehn!”
“Use your charms on her na. You na fine boy,” Sly urged.
“Omo, this babe is not smiling jor. I don try all my tricks, she no budge.”
“Then leave am. Wetin she get sef?” Tango said.
He was tall with ripping muscles and stretch marks that crept out from under his sleeveless shirts.
“There’s something sexy about babes you can’t have,” Genesis chipped in, biting down on the lime that came with his drink. “Especially these real spirikoko church girls. Those ones that will dress simple without excess makeup and all that, and then when you look underneath that simple
façade, there’s a hot chick waiting to be unleashed.”
“Exactly, bro.” Chris nodded.
“Are you saying church babes no dey get conji?” Tango asked, grinning.
“No, not every church babe, no be those ones wey dey rush hide under church when they don dey old and dey find God-fearing husband. Not that type. I mean deep, correct sistah-in-da-Lord.” Genesis continued.
“And na their own go sweet pass o!” Sly chuckled. He was dark with feral features that most women found irresistible.
“True!” the other three agreed.
“Anybody don nail that kain girl before? Tango?”
Chris asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
“Why you call my name first eh?”
They laughed, they all knew that Tango was a relentless womanizer; his well-built chest and the fact that he often modeled, was an aphrodisiac for the women.
“Oya, make we do am like this. What is the thing
church babes find most attractive?” Genesis asked.
“Jesus Christ?” Sly replied and they burst into laughter.
“Idiot. Check their prayer point and you will see the first thing there na God-fearing-man.”
Genesis replied. “You see Caro my neighbor; on Friday night you go hear uh uh uh from her room and Sunday morning you go dey hear prayer of send me a God-fearing- husband. Even prostitutes dey find God-fearing man!” Genesis said.
“Oya in essence what are you saying?” Tango asked.
“I’m saying, Chris if you want to nail a spirikoko sister, you have to become what they want the most.”
“A God-fearing-man!” they recited.
And that was how it began. Their little joke had morphed into something like a challenge, four of them decided to take on new identities to nail the spirikoko women of their choice. That was two weeks ago; since then they had been scouting for the right churches to attend.
The first one Genesis had attended had been disqualified the moment he met the usher at the
door; a woman whose cleavages did more welcoming than the rest of her. His seatmate too, shoki-ed all the way through praise-worship and promptly dozed off as soon as the Pastor mounted the pulpit.
At the end of the service, the sister who was part of the first timers welcome committee had given him a hug that gave him an erection.
“We hope you enjoyed fellowshipping with us?” she said, with a bright smile.
“I sure did enjoy fellowshipping with them,” he replied, his eyes never leaving her heavy chest.
He did not return to that church, it would not have been much of a challenge to pick any lady in that church for their little game.

The second church he attended, located in the cul-de-sac in their street was a laugh. The first thing that had struck him was the lady who wore skirts so tight he thought they would split when she started rolling on the floor speaking in tongues.
He almost laughed at the display while watching it through his hands. Who said church wasn’t much fun?
This time when the service was over, a woman who looked a total contrast to the tight-skirt floor-roller, in her grey sweeping gown and headgear that covered her ears approached him with a semi-scowl.
Genesis had wondered if she could see into his soul and hated him already.
“Welcome brother. Are you born again?”
“Er…”he was taken aback, especially since he had planned to leave as soon as the service was over.
“You are not. I see generational curses following you, brother. Right there, hovering above your head is a black coffin. Brother, you need deliverance, you need help from God.”
“At least me I have coffin hanging over my head, you are lying inside a grave. Rubbish.” With that
he hissed and exited the church.
Those were the two churches he had tried so far.
His friends had spread out too; they didn’t want to concentrate on one church. So far, nobody except Chris had found the right church to settle in.
Genesis sighed as he made his way to the bathroom; it was going to be another dramatic Sunday.
He hoped to have better luck at his next stop.

Written by Mimi Adebayo


 

Miracle Adebayo is a young lady with an incurable passion for writing. She has her eyes firmly set on the top ranks of the New York Times Bestsellers List and believes that she will make it someday by the grace of God who is her main source of inspiration. Her works have been published on several literary sites some of which are Naijastories.com, thenukanniche.com, theafricanstreetwriters and of course, wordsarework.com! You can catch more of her stories on her blog www.mimiadebayo.com.

19 replies added

  1. Walter October 12, 2015 Reply

    Oh this is good! This is a very good start to what is shaping up to be an interesting series. Then I saw the name of the writer, and I knew I’m going to be dedicatedly following this series. 😀 Good going, WAW!

    • Chisom October 12, 2015 Reply

      Hehehe … another reader was saying to me today how shocking it was for him that a female could capture the essence of male conversations so aptly. I just told him, Mimi is an awesome writer.lol. You best be following, brother, this one is gooood toooo! See you next Monday 🙂

      • Walter October 13, 2015 Reply

        Ah, Mimi Adebayo is in a class all on her own. There are people whose pens weave the kind of magic that makes you thank God for the gift He has given humanity of words.

        • Chisom October 13, 2015 Reply

          Amen, brother, Ayyyy-men.

  2. Adejoke October 12, 2015 Reply

    I like the tempo. The more I read, the more I wanted to read and I sorry when it ended. Pls publish part 2 ASAP.

    • Chisom October 12, 2015 Reply

      I know that feeling, Joke … totally. Hopefully you won’t have to wait for too long; part 2 is out next Monday. Cheers

  3. classiq ij October 13, 2015 Reply

    Loved it and wanted more! 🙂 Good job Mimi, cheers.

    • Chisom October 13, 2015 Reply

      And you will get more, Ij. Tune in next Monday … welcome!

  4. the femaleigboarchitect October 13, 2015 Reply

    this is neat. Really neat. When i saw it was a girl who wrote, i wasnt surprised, i was happy. God is your strength Miracle nothing do you. Keep writing!!

    • Chisom October 13, 2015 Reply

      Amen to that, sister. Mims, keep writing!

  5. Yemie October 13, 2015 Reply

    Its great seeing this hilarious series make a debut here! Mimi really went out of her way and pulled out all the stops on this one! She’s a bundle of creative talent, our Mimi and I’ve got both ma eyes glued onto her! LOL

    Waiting to see how far Genesis and goons go in their quest of landing Spirikoko Sisters, if the tables don’t turn on ’em and they end up being the ‘Bushmeats’…the jokesters! LMAO!

    Keep it coming Mimi and Chisom, you both rock senseless! LOL

    • Chisom October 13, 2015 Reply

      Heehehehe … you rock sensible, Yemi! LOOOL

    • Chisom October 14, 2015 Reply

      That she definitely is! Thanks for reading and taking time to comment, Kenechi. Stay with us, much more to come 🙂

  6. Mimi Adebayo October 14, 2015 Reply

    Aaaaw! Thank you so much y’all! I appreciate every one of you for your comments and feedback.
    Thanks Chisom, for this opportunity.

    Walt, you’re in a class of your own too. Don’t forget we read you too.

    Yemieee! Missed you senseless! Where have you been?!

    You know we’ve made the move to mimiadebayo.com, right?

    So lovely to see you here!

    Mwaah!

  7. Anyi October 15, 2015 Reply

    Following.. .. Following

  8. Ezinma October 17, 2015 Reply

    Lmfao!!! Like roflmfao. babe! up top! monday biko do and come. i loved every bit of it! WAW you guys are WOW

    • Chisom October 17, 2015 Reply

      Hahaha … your e-laughter is so infectious, Ezinma. Monday is almost here so whoollup! 🙂

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