My Naija Heat Schedule


I dunno which is worse: the heat or NEPA. Now lemme intimate you guys with my ‘heat schedule’ everyday:

7:30 P.M.: Comes back from work, PHCN takes light immediately I step into the sitting room.

7:35 P.M.: Puts on Generator.

7:40 P.M.: Makes dinner and eats.

8:30 P.M.: Showers and makes some calls while lying down begging for sleep and enjoying the fan blowing into my Adamic self.

9:00 P.M.: Eventually sleeps off.

11:00 P.M.: Security guy puts off gen and now my horror movie starts.

11:10 P.M.: Wakes up and starts complaining.

11:20 P.M.: Sweating upandan.

11:30 P.M.: Runs into the shower and sits there.

11:50 P.M.: Steps out of the shower feeling better.

11:53 P.M.: Touches my bed and realises it’s too hot.

11:53 P.M.: Lays on the floor trying to negotiate my sleep .

11:57 P.M.: Stands up to help myself with some chilled water to put body, mind and soul together.

12:00 A.M.: Gets back to the floor and realises it’s suddenly hot. Heads straight to the visitors room.

12:03 A.M.: Finds a cool section of the bed there and lies down.

12:05 A.M.: Sister Insomnia is calling my phone number.

12:10 A.M.: Bed no gree…sets myself up on the floor and puts on cool music to help.
Shuts my eyes and waits for sleep.

12:35 A.M.: Still waiting for sleep….

12:40 A.M.: Can’t stand it anymore. Heads to the shower once more.

1:15 A.M.: Steps out of the shower. Gets a facebook notification from Martin and wonders why he’s still awake. is he having same problems? Who knows?

1:20 A.M.: Surfing and waiting for sleep. (This time lying in the passage. There’s this yeye breeze coming from under the door that leads out from the kitchen).

1:40 A.M.: Somebody has just pressed the breeze pause. Kai!!! Village pipu at work.

1:45 A.M.: Remembers I have carrot and garden egg and groundnut, what prevents a brother from keeping the mouth moving?

1:46 A.M.: Sitting in the sitting room enjoying my chewables and reading up #MUFC gist on ESPN to know if they yaff sacked LVG finally. Strolls into twitter to check what is trending too.

2:20 A.M.: Eyes are getting heavy. Good sign. Thank you Lord!!! Let’s shower one more time and gear it up. (Don’t bla.m.e me, if I don’t, the eyes will only stop at being heavy)

2:35 A.M.: Out of the shower. Doesn’t stay long. Does tum bom tum bom to decide where to lie down. Anywhere it falls I lay.

2:40 A.M.: Changes my music playlist. Moves to country classics.

3:00 A.M.: Sleeps off.

5:00 A.M.: PHCN brings the light and light flashes into my eyes. Wakes up and does the waka sign to the light bulb. Rolls over and starts enjoying the fan.

5:15 A.M.: My alarm wakes me up again. Kedu udi rubbish di ihe nkea kwanu? *switches it off and thinks of the lie to drop in case I end up late at work* (traffic no doubt).

6:00 A.M.: My neighbours are driving out noisily to work and I have to wake up.

6:15 A.M.: Lazying and trying to negotiate the next round of sleep, Light goes off again. *sighs* and wakes up.

6:16 A.M.: Prayer, morning worship, brush my teeth, regular ritual in the white house, showers, breakfast, dresses up, arranges my bag , looking for my charger, etc.

7:15 A.M.: Opens the door to wear my shoe and leave. PHCN brings the light again.
Looks at the light bulb like they were humans and wishes I could slap them to express my anger.

7:18 A.M..: Leaves for work. *Don’t worry, I still get to work on or before 8:30A.M.. so we’re good* *no lying*

**Meanwhile, the light that they brought as I was leaving will still be on till I get back home and sa.m.e routine continues.

Where thunder fires my routine is if I eventually forget that the fuel in the gen is low so I can top-up. Then I just stepped into hell.


Written by Emmanuel Trust.

Words Are Work…and fun too. 🙂


3 replies added

  1. Ezinma February 25, 2016 Reply

    It’s all fun and games till life hits you. Growing up is scary but goddamit fun too. Nice poem darl…really nice.

  2. Thia February 25, 2016 Reply

    Thanks darling

  3. nneka February 25, 2016 Reply

    Finally! Someone clears it all up!being old b4 u become young would be awesome! Lovely poem.

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