… continued from Episode 9
Sometimes silence is worse than noise. Two days had gone by and Abigail still hadn’t said a word to me since I opened up to her about me and Kelvin. It was all I could do not to go over to her place and shake her till her thoughts fell on the floor for me to see.
Another day passed before my wait finally came to an end. She called and apologized for her silence. She really didn’t have to but she did anyway. She had thought about everything I told her and had decided it was best to move on. “It’s just too much drama,” she said repeatedly. There was something about the way she talked, like she had accepted a painful truth. She ended the call after trying, but failing to convince me, that I did nothing wrong and that we were still great friends.
I should have been relieved by her response and the accompanying ‘go out with him’ tone, but I was not. My feelings for Kelvin had grown deeper and all I wanted was to be with him; but not like this. It just didn’t feel right.
I spent the next couple of days indoors. Kelvin had tried but failed to get me to tell him what was wrong. Eventually he gave me what I really needed. Time. Time to think, to decide. Maybe we could be just friends. Maybe it didn’t have to end completely. Yes. We could make friendship work. We could try.
My plan was rock-solid until I went to see him a week after Abigail’s call. He hugged me tightly when I came in and while all I wanted was to feel his lips on mine again, I pulled away too fast. When I noticed his frown, I tried to force some cheer into my drab smile.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he sat down beside me on the all too familiar sofa. I smiled as he held my hand. “I missed you,” he added.
“I missed you too” I averted my gaze. “I told Abigail about us.”
“Okay.” I was grateful he still held my hand. “Is that why you refused to see me throughout last week?”
“I just needed to think, I guess.”
“About what exactly? Us?”
I liked the sound of that – us. Snap out of it, Kaitlyn!
He let out a sharp breath, stood up and squatted in front of me.
“Listen to me, Kaitlyn. I really don’t know what it is about you but you came into my life at a time when I needed a friend the most and even though you didn’t know it, you were a great friend to me. But now –” he nudged my chin till I was staring into his dark eyes, “– you are so much more.
“And when you let me kiss you, I knew you were giving me a part of you you’ve been so scared to let go of. This is selfish of me to ask but I don’t want a part of you, Kaitlyn, I want all of you. I love you.”
He brushed a tear from my face. I hadn’t even realized I was crying. Lord, I felt so stupid! Of course, Kaitlyn, you just had to cry. How cliché!
I couldn’t look into his eyes. I wanted to tell him I loved him too and that he made me so happy. And all I wanted was to be with him. But I didn’t. Instead I stood and said I was leaving. He tried to stop me. “I know you’re scared but you don’t have to be.”
I blocked out his words as I walked to the door. But Kelvin wouldn’t give up that easily.
“You’ve spent your whole life being scared, it’s time you stopped!” The tenacity in his voice made me stop and turn around. When he spoke again, it was in a softer tone. “Why can’t you just let yourself feel, Kaitlyn?! What are you so scared of? The thing with Oke? That’s in the past. Or is Abigail?”
“Yes, Abigail. And I do feel! That’s why I’m in love with you, stupid!” I was screaming now, sobbing too. Why did he have to make this so hard?
He walked towards me then. My heart quickened; I knew what he was about to do but my feet remained planted to the floor. In two strides, he was just a breath away. And reason ate dust as our lips met. My body was alive to his every touch. He pinned me against the wall with his body while his hands got familiar with mine. I had never felt anything like it before.
When he pulled away, we were both breathing shakily. As I looked into his eyes, I knew it was goodbye. And he knew it too. There were just too many emotions warring inside me, and too few words to express. Quickly, before he had another chance to change my mind, I slipped out the door. He did not call out or come after me.
Sometimes silence is worse than noise.
to be continued next week …
By Keren-Happuch Odinenu
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