I am not normal

wolfe

I am not normal. Do not try to convince me otherwise, really don’t. I know I am not, I’ve always known.

I knew back in Primary 1 when my mum returned from the market without the mangoes she promised. She cut her hand while shredding vegetables that evening.

I knew when my Primary 4 teacher fell and broke her arm hours after flogging me. It wasn’t her fault … really, it was James’ fault. James was the class captain and he wrote my name in the list of noise makers. He shouldn’t have. I was a quiet child, deathly quiet, hardly ever speaking. So when Aunty flogged me that afternoon, I was angry. I was so angry that I wished she’d just fall and break her arm, that way she’d never flog me again. So when she fell off the veranda just before closing bell and broke her arm, I knew I was responsible.

The class captain – James – he went home in one piece. I did nothing to him. But he came to school the next day wearing a slight limp which got worse each day. In a month’s time, James had to walk with a cane. And by the time we resumed for a new term, he was in a wheel chair.

I got further proof when in my JSS 1, the Niger House Captain, Senior Ruth made me mop the stairs, the entire dirty four flights. It was a Saturday morning, a few minutes to the almighty Saturday House inspection and I wasn’t feeling too well. I was running to the bushes behind the hostel to relieve myself, but I never got there. I ended up depositing my borrowed breakfast of corn flakes and milk on the stairs. Amaka, my bunkie, wanted to help me clean up, I was really ill. But Senior Ruth, with all the wickedness in her heart, insisted I clean it myself, not just the few steps I vomited on but the entire four flights. On Sunday morning, the stairs were stained red with her blood. She slipped and rolled down the stairs, all the way down the entire four flights. She fractured a knee. Very badly. 6 months down the line, her crutches were almost always missing.

In my final year, my supervisor, an ugly, shapeless, balding, pot-bellied excuse of a man insulted me during a departmental meeting. He called me a stupid, no-good bimbo with more boobs than brain. That is not true. He sneered that I was so dumb I couldn’t even pronounce my own name. Also not true. I had done nothing to deserve his taunts, it is not a crime to be quiet. I was so embarrassed that I cried in front of the entire faculty.

On his way home that evening, three of his car tires exploded. Nobody could explain it but he survived the ensuing wreckage unscathed. For days we didn’t see him, rumor said he was in shock. When he returned, he became the nicest lecturer around. I got an A in my project work and every other course he handled that semester.

Right now, I do not feel normal. My boss, a cruel man with deep-set eyes (people say he battered his eyes, heart and height for wealth), called me a dumb ass. Not only that, he berated me in front of the entire management board, for wearing a cream blouse instead of an ivory colored one to the presentation. I could hear them snickering as I turned tail and ran. Now I’m just here in my cubicle, trying to compose myself – in my cream blouse.

I don’t want to wish him evil … Lord help me, I don’t. But I just wish the bastard would fall off his office on the 33rd floor and …

*glass shattering* *a long rapidly fading yell* *a thud* *screams* *commotion*

I guess it’s time to go home.

 

By Hope Eboh

Follow us @WordsAreWork on twitter

 

56 replies added

    • Hope October 30, 2015 Reply

      Lol…you had better not.

      • Chisom October 30, 2015 Reply

        Lekwa threat! *runs off to the ground floor*

  1. Chizzy October 30, 2015 Reply

    Hmmm
    Am scared to comment before something happens to me

    But chick, you seriously not normal

      • Hope October 30, 2015 Reply

        Lol…please don’t be scared. I am normal.

        The chick in the story isn’t tho…its her you should be scared of.

  2. Odinenu keren-happuch October 30, 2015 Reply

    Haha.your not normal Hope. But your abnormality is the cute kind,not this scary protagonist made yourself look like. I loved the write up.it was interesting and expressive. Write more!

    • Hope October 30, 2015 Reply

      Happuch, thank you. 🙂
      …n no…that wasn’t me on the story…just some scary girl. (Hope she doesn’t see this tho).

  3. Angie October 30, 2015 Reply

    Hopie, you scared the daylights out of me. It was very creepy and wonderfully written. You’re a good writer. Write more. I’d love to see them.

    • Hope October 30, 2015 Reply

      Thank you Angie dear. I’d write as much as architecture permits me to.

      Sorry I scared you tho…didn’t intend to…kinda.

  4. Lex Onukwue II October 30, 2015 Reply

    I’m thinking some corpers could do with such ‘talents’ right now…

    • Hope October 30, 2015 Reply

      Abi? Don’t worry. You could talk to our friend here…find out if she’s willing to share. 🙂

    • Chisom October 30, 2015 Reply

      Alex, on point jare! All those otondo-hunting Man O’ War boys and military men … Kai!

    • Hope October 30, 2015 Reply

      Well…she knows. We all know.

      • Chisom October 30, 2015 Reply

        Well, we gats talk am again. In case there are any doubts.

    • Hope October 30, 2015 Reply

      Agreed…she isn’t.

  5. Tobe October 30, 2015 Reply

    What?! *no more comments*

      • Tobe October 31, 2015 Reply

        Hahahaha, if she gets to read my next comments, they might anger ‘the she creature’..& that’s the last thing on my mind.

    • Chisom October 30, 2015 Reply

      Hehehehe. Agadi fear-fear 🙂

      • Tobe October 31, 2015 Reply

        Nnaa, afukwala o.

  6. Yemie October 30, 2015 Reply

    Ahem….is it safe to drop off my ‘honest’ thoughts then Chisom or shall I just kiss a$$ and suck up to Hope?! I mean, It’d simply be way too tragic to end up the next victim, tasting of the Narrator’s vengeful and instant street justice in the event that I ‘unconsciously’ set her off?….The horror! LMAO!

    Owkay! The verdict’s in……and on the strength of these damning and damaging testimonies, I totally agree with the Narrator that these aint normal behaviour! And it took these much unfortunate incidences to go down in arriving at the conclusion that you’re pretty dark and diabolical huh?! Perhaps a deliverance session with Bro. Hyginus of the infamous ‘Deliverance’ fame coupled with some quality therapy time in Anger Management Classes ei?! Hehehe. You can thank me later…no charge! *winks ROTFLMAO!

    Really freaked out by this mysterious tale but its pretty peculiar…stranger than fiction albeit and some people DO as a matter of fact exhibit this kinda trait! Cross ’em and get on their bad sides, and you’re Deadmeat! They’d go all voodoo on you….Spooky! *quaking in ma boots* LOL

    Great going Hope, nicely written and sure to rile up just ’bout anyone, I mean; look at me!
    Thanks Chisom for bringing ‘Fright& Freaky Friday’ alive, and working up the ‘Fear Factor’! Is this anything to do with Halloween then?! I know its celebrated right ’bout this time overseas!

    Rock on you two, lotsa ❤!

    • Hope October 30, 2015 Reply

      Lol…Yemie…

      This is WordsAreWork. Your honest opinion is always welcome.

      …n yes. We all agree with you…the narrator too. Everyone knows she’s not normal.

      People like that…hmmm…I fear them o. I just hope not to meet any…I mean…look at me. I wrote that…yes. But when I read it hours later, it scared me too.

      Fright and Freaky Friday…lmao…
      Didn’t have Halloween in mind tho…but then…nice coincidence. Just imagine a kid like our dear narrator on your doorstep…asking for a treat. I’ll bet my left foot you’ll give just about anything to get her away.

      Yems…can I call you that?

      I think you’d make a good writer…been reading your comments for as long as I can remember. …n I’m looking forward to reading something from you. I bet it’ll be awesome. You rock too.

      …n abeg Yems, leave Brother Hygi alone o. Our friend here will turn him to mincemeat in nanoseconds.

      • Yemie October 30, 2015 Reply

        You. Are. A. Meanie. Hope! However could you wish that bad omen of a child on me and showing up on my doorstep?! I don’t think so!
        I’ll have to pass but if she does wriggle through anyhow, somehow; I’d be sure to dish out all of the treats I have in my kitty before she gets the chance to saying…’Tricks r Treats’ and get rid of her in a heartbeat! Can’t have her thinking up jack…that could spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R! The horror! LMAO!

        As for Bro Hygi, I was only looking to set him up so he meets his waterloo! Annnnnd you actually did think the Narrator’s the only one with the knack for thinking up evil didn’t ya?! Wellll…think again! Gotcha…Ha! *tongue out* LOL

        Thank you sooo much ma Sweetness for the vote of confidence…am blushing rainbows! I do have a lil corner, a space as bestowed upon me by a fellow blogger and friend, Dr Temitope Ogundare; where I just pretty much goof off and get my silly on! You can just click on my name and voila…you’re on!

        Plus, you’ve got a wicked sense of humor and you write beautifully too! Soar on up Jellybeans, you rock more than I….PIECES! XOXO ❤

        • Chisom October 30, 2015 Reply

          Jellybeans. Lawd, where she gets the words!

  7. Winie October 30, 2015 Reply

    Speaking of ‘thriller’ writing. Kudos!

    • Hope October 30, 2015 Reply

      Thank you. 🙂

  8. Tosyn Williams October 30, 2015 Reply

    Just passing through. I no wan comment make I no fall from the “33rd floor” and the next thing would be crash, commotion. You know the remaining….

    • Hope October 30, 2015 Reply

      Lol…but you just commented.

      Well, you won’t fall from the 33rd floor…I can guarantee that…unless you are her boss.

      • Chisom October 30, 2015 Reply

        Ah Tosman, wear seatbelt abeg oh. Thank God you’re not her boss

  9. Vanessa October 30, 2015 Reply

    I normally never finish reading things like this, I would rather predict…..but Hope I must say u have a twisted mind which is quite intriguing . Would love to see more of your write ups.

    • Chisom October 30, 2015 Reply

      Vanessa, you speak truth. WE would love to see more of her write ups. Thank YOU 🙂

  10. Ezinma October 30, 2015 Reply

    babe…of all d characters na the wheelchair one dey worry me. i mean most of them got hurt within two days. but James’ stretched on for more than a month!
    Hope, is it that the character continued being angry or even after the anger has died down she can’t make it stop?
    Nice writeup though. Really good!

    • Chisom November 1, 2015 Reply

      Me I’m afraid to answer this your question oh, Ezinma.lol.
      Hope????

      Thank you for reading and appreciating though, dear 🙂

  11. Bede October 30, 2015 Reply

    Beautiful and free flowing….

    • Chisom October 30, 2015 Reply

      Couldn’t have summarized it any better. Nice to catch you here again, Bede … been a minute 🙂

      • Bede October 30, 2015 Reply

        It sure has, good stuff u doing with waw btw ….

  12. Walter October 31, 2015 Reply

    Jisoxkraist! *clutching at my heart* Who’s this not-normal chick, Nwa Ojukwu? Point her out to me. I’d like to be friends and never ever be in the position to piss her off. *shudder*

    • Hope October 31, 2015 Reply

      Lol…I’m sure she’s around somewhere. Just keep looking. You’ll know her when you see her.

      • Chisom November 1, 2015 Reply

        Hm, I smell a rat in that advise. Nwa Udeh, biko run!

  13. Chizzy October 31, 2015 Reply

    Hope I read about Niger house.. and am wondering, did you attend HIJC?
    If you did then I think this story is 99% true.

    That school is renowned for certain things

    • Hope October 31, 2015 Reply

      Chizzy, no. I didn’t attend HIJC. I guess I just picked “Niger House” up somewhere…I dunno where tho.

      HIJC may be renowned for “certain things” but then, every boarding school has its own stories. I have heard of madam koi koi, yellow hand, black man n a host of others. I remember girls in my school back then who were rumored to be mermaids…anybody who was brave enough to be their school mother fell sick after days. The list is endless…I mean, even Walter’s Eze and his buddies have their own stories to tell.

  14. Uncle Phil November 1, 2015 Reply

    Really nice read. From d onset my mind screamed, Ogbanje! lol. Reminiscent of d movie “Omen”, scared d crap out of us back den. This is a reminder of not to make fun at quiet ppl, (from a bully’s perpective) there cud b evil lurking. Your writing is fluid, I must say, I took it all in. Didn’t know wen I got to d end, wanted more (hehehehe) *evil*

    • Chisom November 2, 2015 Reply

      You wanted more??? Phil, I don dey suspect you shaa.LOL

  15. kiva November 9, 2015 Reply

    Reminds me of a Stephen King novel. (carrie). An awesome nail biting story, with a wonderful beginning and a magnificent ending. You indeed are an awesome writer. I’m proud you

    • Chisom November 9, 2015 Reply

      I am very prouding of her too oh, Kiva 🙂
      Thank you for taking time to appreciate Hope with us, I hope you’ll hang around for more beautiful words.

  16. Mbah Paschal December 20, 2015 Reply

    Well done Hope, that was a nice write up. Keep it up

  17. MaryBasil Somto March 20, 2016 Reply

    she really sounded like you in some parts….. I’m not surprise. nice write up tho……keep it up

    • Chisom March 24, 2016 Reply

      She did? And you’re still hanging around? Hmmm.
      Mary, this is WAW.
      We are all running for cover.
      We like our lives.
      Be like us.

  18. Elvis May 9, 2016 Reply

    Nice construction… The way u started and ended was epic..go on n on n i might prolly invest in u 😉 =D lol

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