The Lectern: Rape – Our Fault?

The lectern

Hello WAW people,

This year came charged mehnnn, I tell you. The first quarter was ‘pure’, and now the second quarter has started with all manner of promise. Rights and justice for women and the girl child are topics we remain passionate about, especially in a society that appears to care less and less everyday. We care not just because ‘they are women’, but because human rights are a fundamental right for EVERY body. And if there is one among us who is deprived of such, then we all have been deprived.

“An unjust law is no law at all” – St Augustine of Hippo

And so this month, one of our favorite femme writers takes to The Lectern with “Rape: Our Fault?”, which is both well-crafted, insightful, hair-pulling fist-itching unbelievable, and forces you to ask and answer a number of real questions. In my opinion, Ifeoma nearly outdid herself here … but when doesn’t she?

So enjoy, beautiful … enjoy, handsome … and don’t forget to post your answers and thoughts in the Comments area below. Share with your friends too because really, what shall it profit a man if he reads a WAW post like this and refuses to share?!!!!!!!!!!! 

May May bring rays of light your way. You are amazing!

Chisom


RAPE: OUR FAULT?

Whenever I hear or read the story of creation, I realize more and more how smart our Creator is. He created life and death, happiness and sadness, man and woman, right and wrong, and good and evil. I can simply say he created balance.

One of God’s evils however makes me wonder what exactly it balances out. This evil, is the need to violently defile a person. Some people like to call it sex without consent and others call it what it is:

RAPE

A very sensitive issue it is that whenever it is brought up in an argument or a discussion, voices are raised, emotions overflow and sometimes fists fly. Whether or not you will understand the idea behind this piece will depend largely on what you understand by the word, RAPE.

Rape, according to the people who compiled dictionaries, is having sexual intercourse with a person without his or her permission. It may involve physical force or the threat of force. It may also be done against someone who is unable to give consent such as an infant, or a drugged or sleeping adult.

Well, that definition is so casual it could have been for the word “balloon”. I who always have an opinion about everything, however have a befitting definition for this evil:

Rape is a dark, twisted act of violence that I would not wish on my own enemy. If I had an enemy and wanted to hurt them physically, I’d simply slap the person and we would probably end up on the floor pulling each other’s hair or biting each other’s skin. I’d probably end up in the hospital but with satisfaction that I inflicted pain on this person. I would do all this but I wouldn’t wish for them to be raped because this evil ruins people on two levels: physically and emotionally.

And this is why I loathe people who have no sympathy for rape victims. People like Hajia Risikatu Adulkarim, a lecturer at Nassarawa Polytechnic who was interviewed on NTA Keffi early this year. This piece was inspired by a Facebook post, reproduced below:

“So this woman, Hajia Risikatu Abdulkarim, a lecturer at Nassarawa Polytechnic is being interviewed on NTA Keffi.

I listen with an open mouth as the interviewer asks if rape is the fault of women. And she replies with a yes. Says when a woman is dressed indecently or is half-naked, it’s her fault if she gets raped.

She says sometimes, the rapists would even finish raping a girl before they are aware that they raped her. So it’s not their fault.

(When I read this line, I rained all sorts of profanities at this woman, so you have a hall pass to do the same).

In the fight against violence against women, she says women should stay close to God and they won’t experience violence.

A lecturer in Nigeria says this. A woman for that matter.

What is she teaching?

Like seriously?

Who sent me to watch NTA this evening?…”

 

Let me give her some credit for giving good advice to females. It’s good to be safe and to be close to God at all times because anything can happen to anyone. I for one am against indecent dressing as well because I feel that women should value their bodies because they are treasures that need to be found not picked up by the road or plucked from tree. However, if a woman chooses to wear revealing clothing as a way to conform to fashion or as her own style, I wouldn’t judge because, it’s her life not mine. She knows how she wants to be seen.

Now that we have cleared that up, I would like to ask people like Hajia Risikatu a few questions:

If you were out on the road making a phone call with your brand new iPhone 6 and it got snatched from you by a thief, who do we blame for the theft?

Do we blame you for deciding to first of all buy a flashy and expensive phone hereby suddenly attracting an innocent human who decided to become a thief all of a sudden?

Are you saying that you shouldn’t have made that phone call at all? Are you saying that you shouldn’t take the phone out in public at all?

Let’s say you decided to act with caution and you never took the phone out in public. Are you saying that a thief cannot knock on the door of your house, barge in, threaten you and steal this same phone you have been jealously guarding?

Are you also saying that it is possible that this innocent bystander walked up to you, threatened you, collected your phone and then suddenly realised, “Omg, I just stole an iPhone?”

Indian women are one of the most decent group of women in the whole world because most of the time, they are covered up right to the nose. Do you know that these women are raped as well? If you do, whose fault would it be when a woman like that is raped?

 

This is one of the reasons why I fear for the next generation. I wonder what knowledge would be passed down to them. How can I train my son to be a gentleman when people like this lecturer exist? How can I teach my daughter self-worth and confidence when people like Hajia Risikatu exist?

Nobody is responsible for anyone’s sin. If a person decides to rape a fellow human being, it’s on this person’s conscience.

N.O.B.O.D.Y asks for rape.

The Lectern_Rape_Our fault

Written by Ifeoma Nduka

 


If you have written something which you would like read at The Lectern, send it in a mail titled ‘Submission (The Lectern) – [Topic]’ to [email protected]. If you are unsure about a subject matter, still send us an email and we shall work with you to get something appropriate. It does not have to be right or wrong … just your opinion.

Words Are Work … and fun too!

 

14 replies added

  1. Wole Fash May 1, 2016 Reply

    I cannot agree more…crazy anyone would attempt pinning rape on anyone outside the perpetrator. Even if the lady was scantily clad, it’s still no excuse as the only thing separating man from all other living things is the ability to reason and make choices. Taking control of sexual urge/desire is a matter of control and what makes a human being one and not a he-goat is not forcing his advance on a female…I need overflog this…suffice is to say rape is and will ever remain despicable for a plethora of reasons.

    • Chisom May 1, 2016 Reply

      Your words drip truth, Wole. Thank you!

  2. Divicky May 1, 2016 Reply

    Calling rape God’s evil is totally offensive and smacks of bitterness. Having said that, rape is a despicable act. It is an assault carried out by males and females but more rampant with the males. Again, before an evil decision is made, the evil thought is triggered. Those triggers need to be addressed. A person’s basic knowledge on sexuality (from observations in the immediate environment), subsequent interactions with people, and viewing of entertainment materials go into forming the person’s mentality towards sex. This warped mentality to me is the root. It can never be totally uprooted but it can be curbed.

    • Chisom May 1, 2016 Reply

      Your opinion is valid, mate. I also disagree with Ifeoma’s classification of rape as God’s evil. Because among a number of other reasons, if this tag of ‘God’s evil’ stuck, we’d be permitting ourselves to liberally commit this and all other manner of atrocities without fear or thought. “Because if it’s God’s evil then I can’t control it … what choice do I have against GOD’s own evil, right?!”
      God forbid we ever descend to such pitiable depths. Thank you for sharing, bro.

      • IFEOMA May 1, 2016 Reply

        Divicky and Chisom. I made that statement in reference to a passage of the bible: Isaiah 45:7 “I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.” How is it offensive that I state the Creator’s creation as His creation?
        Divicky, I know that evil thoughts are triggered but you said DECISION. Decision implies that there were choices to be made. These triggers cannot be eliminated because the world grows everyday. If at all humans attempt to eliminate these triggers you speak of, and eventually succeed, new triggers will form.
        The whole point of this article is: that there is no excuse for rape
        Not everyone who views the entertainment you speak of, or who interacts with people goes ahead to rape a person. Not everyone who grows in the immediate environment you speak of, rapes people.
        I did not write this article saying that there are no triggers, I am writing this article saying, that victims should not be blamed for the wrong choices the rapists have made.

      • IFEOMA May 1, 2016 Reply

        Chisom would you rather I use the word, “ALLOW”? rather than “CREATE”?

        • Chisom May 1, 2016 Reply

          Perhaps, dear. Because after salvation, we all were given the opportunity of choice. God cannot have given us that and still impose His every will – even though it is good – on us. But this is not a Bible calss, Ifeoma, I choose to concentrate on the key message of your piece (which I never lost sight of, by the way). I particularly like that you gave the lecturer woman points for talking about dressing and decency of the womenfolk (even though she tied it to the wrong message). I agree that responsibility lies with the rapist in EVERY rape situation, and so (not BUT), we all (male and female) should attempt to be as responsible for our safety as we can be. Take your example with the iphone, the thief is completely at fault if he comes up to me and grabs my phone, but I will not wait to blame him, IF I can help it. I will not take my brand new gold-plated iphone 6 out to take a call by 9pm under CMS bridge, or even by 5:30am at Ojuelegba (apologies to non-Lagosians). This view can be easily misconstrued but there is hardly a better way to phrase it. Any dissent?

  3. Miss M May 1, 2016 Reply

    Well written piece.
    But the writer should not have called it God’s evil o.
    God could never have created such, there’s no affliction in this world that he created. Reminds me of the story of Job. God let it happen never meant na im create am o. Some ppl might find that line offensive and not read the entire piece to get the message only because of that line.
    Loved the pie chart, totally articulated all the justifications society gives for the hateful act. Being raped is totally the fault of the rapists. God help us and all victims of rape out there

    • Chisom May 1, 2016 Reply

      Thank you, dear. That story of Job really helps me every time I get confused. I loved the pie chart too, Ifeoma will have to tell us from whence such cool stuffs come.lol.
      A big AMEN to that prayer

  4. Fifi May 1, 2016 Reply

    I heard of that Lady’s interview and to an extent I didn’t blame her because that was what she was brought up to think. No level of education can change your mindset if you remain in the same environment where it was conceived.
    Its up to us to educate our kids on what is wrong and right. There’s hope if the institution of the family takes its duties seriously.

  5. immaculate May 1, 2016 Reply

    The society is to blame for RAPE.The rules are bent in favor of something or someone when justice is needed therefore there is lack of a standard moral judgement against Rape.

  6. Why do people shy away from calling a spade a spade for what it is? You are horrified ’cause the writer termed rape “God’s evil”. Technically she is right. If you could say that inventions by men are works of God,I don’t see why you should dissent when He created the Devil who “created” everything that is evil. God still is the Creator of everything!
    To the topic at hand,we live in a male-dominated society,so this is not new. It behoves on us to properly re-educate ourselves and our children. Its so sad that we are very hypocritical when it comes to things like this. Our societal values,I regret to say,are parochial and need reviews. Rape is the perpetrator’s fault,period•

  7. Adaora May 3, 2016 Reply

    I love this piece. I must say also that I like how the writer expresses herself, especially with the reference to “Gods evil”. I am a lover of God but i can’t close my eyes to a very creative literature.
    That is just a distraction, the issue here is RAPE, and it is important for us to handle this issue properly. Blaming the victims out rightly is unfair, the girl child most importantly should be counseled. They shouldn’t live in depression from the trauma, for fear of what the society may think of them.
    This SILENCE has ruined a lot of our girls.

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