I can’t count how many times I have heard ‘God-fearing, loving and caring’ as a description of the qualities people search for in a partner. My problem with those words/phrases is that they are as ambiguous and meaningless as they ease off a person’s mouth. Does God-fearing mean praying every day, or going to church every Sunday, or talking about God occasionally, or just having an idea that God exists or etc. ‘Loving and caring’ couldn’t be more vague. Honestly, I used to say vague things like that. God and life knocked some sense into me. These are the qualities that I have observed as important in choosing Mr./Ms. Somebody
Can this person laugh with you? I’m not talking about some occasional laugh or smile. I mean, can you two scatter leg on the floor and laugh together like children? Life will throw a lot of balls at you, you need someone who can laugh with you.
Not everyone likes to hear this, but life is not always rosy. There are and will be tough times. One thing people fail to check for is how exactly their partner suffers through something. It is also very important to find out if your partner can share pain with you. Do they give up as soon as it gets hard? Do they become an entirely different person? Are they fearful? Are they brave? While there is no wrong or right answer, it is important to know a little bit of how they go through hard times. Keep in mind, you will be the first witness to whatever character they display good or bad.
This is not the conventional giving. Anybody can give out of their excess but only very few can sacrifice. A sacrifice always cost more than you can afford. Any relationship that will go far, has to have people who are willing to give up comfort for the good of the relationship and their partner. Keep in mind, sacrificing is not one-sided. No matter how much you are willing to crucify yourself for Mr./Mrs somebody, if they cannot do the same for you, it will not go far.
If you are in any relationship where the person reminds you of things you did that they claim to have forgiven, abeg run and let your leg be touching the back of your head. Okay, joke aside, there is nothing like forgiving and not forgetting. Especially in a relationship that is supposed to be a lifelong journey. Regurgitating issues is like continuously peeling open a wound that wants to heal. The ability to genuinely forgive is one you MUST have before you can say you love someone.
Anyone that has told you that it is not possible to be committed to one person, is not only a liar, you shouldn’t be 10,000 kilometers near the person. Commitment is beyond not cheating, it is being genuinely interested in what brings you happiness and makes your relationship peaceful.
Another sour truth is that there will be misunderstandings. You will not like each other all the time. You will not always agree on things. You will bump heads on a number of things. The only thing that will keep your relationship from heading for the woods is your ability to manage conflict and move on. If you are in a relationship where things are swept under the carpet, the lifespan of your relationship will be short if there is no change.
While this is not a comprehensive list, any relationship that has these qualities has a good shot at success. If your relationship is missing any of these, it means you have work to do and decisions to make. Most importantly, examine yourself. Don’t look for these qualities in anybody, if you don’t have them in yourself.
You know how we do at WAW. I want to read your thoughts on these qualities and any additional one you may have. The comment section is just a scroll away……before I go, I have something to share.
It is with a heavy heart, I announce that I will be taking a break from this column. As some may know, I’m currently a student and I’ve shared some of my stories on my blog (www.winesworld.com). Fortunately for me, my work load has tremendously increased, but it makes it difficult for me to give you my best on this column because my time is spread very thin. I’m a firm believer of giving every thing nothing but your best and because I won’t be able to do that, I will take a break for now. While, I can’t give an exact time for my return, I will do my best to be back as soon as possible. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing for this column and I will miss you *sniffs*. A very hearty thank you to everyone that read my posts and commented. To my good friend and collaborator, Chisom, there are no words. Thank you for sharing WAW with me. I will be sharing random stories like ‘nikki’ from time to time, to stay fresh in your memory.
Until sometime very soon,
For other episodes of Winie says …, click HERE. Send your SOS cries, stories, questions or suggestions for discussion topics to[email protected]. Your identity stays as confidential as you want it to be.
Words Are Work … and fun too!