“I SLEPT WITH A COUGAR”

cat.jpg.653x0_q80_crop-smart

Dear diary

Last night was horrible, I’m still a little dizzy. I’d rather not talk about it but my therapist said I must share so that I can heal (let me take a drink first, something strong).

I’ve been told a good number of times never to get involved with older ladies or even my age mates, but the heart wants what it wants. So against my better judgement I hooked up with my course mate. I had seen her a couple of times, but we never said more than “hello” and “hi” to ourselves. I saw her everyday when she walked into class. She always looked gorgeous, I was certain she could light up a dark room. Her figure was trim and shaped like an hour glass. She had B-cup breasts with disproportionate hips too big for her. She defined the word โ€˜prettyโ€™, and any time she giggled in class, I always turned to see the angel that made such a sweet music.

The first time we spoke was during a very boring evening lecture, after a particularly hectic day. I came in late and the only free seats were at the back. I walked into the class face down, praying silently that the man wouldn’t notice me. I sat down on the first free seat I saw and as I opened my notebook, I noticed she was sitting next to me. The class was tedious and boring, and even though I fought it, the lecturer sang me to sleep. Her too. I donโ€™t know who slept first but I shaa know we woke up the same time, alone in the class.

Our other class mates had rushed off after the class, and since we were behind the class they didn’t notice us. Somebody in the next class must have dropped something because there was a loud thud that woke us up. We’d been asleep for close to an hour. We laughed, joked about it then went to the cafeteria to eat. Afterwards, I walked her to her hostel and said goodbye. As I was about to leave she said, “won’t you ask for my number? Since we just slept together, it’s the least you can do.” I laughed and we exchanged numbers.

I saw her again the next day, and every day after that (course mates, remember). We would stay back in class after lectures and gist, go have lunch and dinner, then go for night class together. We became very close friends but like Oliver Twist, I wanted more. So I started planning the perfect date. I read journals and magazines and when my friends suspected that something was not right, I told them I was writing a term paper. I tapped intel about her from her friends; I occasionally asked her some question to know the type of date she would like.

It took me one long month but finally I had it all planned, the perfect three-course date: dinner at a seven-star restaurant, a new romantic movie after that, then a stroll in the new suspended gardens to wrap up the evening. Plans down, I needed money. So I started saving my allowance. It was not easy saving for that date; I had to drink garri with only salt for that month โ€“ the things we do for love. I lost so much weight that people kept asking if I was sick. But finally I had the money. I made a reservation at the restaurant, I bought the movie tickets before it sold out and I got two gate passes for the garden. She had told me she liked guys that can surprise her so I wanted it to be a surprise.

That night I called her and asked if she was busy, she told me she was reading for a quiz we had in 3 weeks. I tried my best to persuade her to go out to no avail; she insisted that she wanted to read for an open-book quiz which was three weeks away. As soon as I got off the phone with her, I called the restaurant and after a long argument with an angry Italian chef, I cancelled my reservation. Next I ran to the cinema and spoke with the receptionist who agreed to refund me only half the money and give me the ticket to a low budget movie. I didn’t see a better offer so I accepted his offer. I wanted to leave but the thought of going back to my lonely room after my great expectations for the night made me stay for the movie. The name of the movie was “This would have been us”. It was a two-hour movie that left me super depressed. I decided not to return the gate pass, I needed the stroll to clear my head.

I got to the garden and gave the gateman my pass. I wasn’t paying attention so I mistakenly gave him both passes. He looked at me from head to toe as if to make sure I was not mad. I wanted to ask him for the extra pass when he said, “make sure she doesn’t destroy anything or you will pay”. I was confused, until I saw the pussy cat. She was so cute that I took her with me; after all I needed company. She looked young and tame, I decided to take her to the vet later so they could try to locate the owner. People kept staring at us cat so I decided to go farther into the garden away from everyone. The cat was a lovely companion and a good listener; we sat on a bench and gazed at the stars. Next thing I remembered was waking up in the garden early enough to watch the sun rise. The cat was still fast asleep on my lap.

I rushed to the gate thinking of an excuse, luckily the gate man was asleep and the cleaners had just arrived. So I had no problem going out. Next stop the vet clinic, to return the cat. At the gate, a group of people were talking about an animal’s escape from the zoo but I was too tired to wait and find out more. I turned the cat over at the stray window, and the nurse told me that the animal I had just turned in was not a cat but a cougar. Apparently the cub had strolled out of the cage which was built to hold in bigger adult cougars.

So figuring in everything, I guess I can say, “I slept with a cougar”.

Written by Ajala Uche

17 replies added

  1. Chizzy December 26, 2015 Reply

    Uche, I swear you are not well..

    • Uche December 27, 2015 Reply

      Lol, that’s the same thing my doctors said

      • Chisom December 29, 2015 Reply

        Hahahaha. Buy your doctor a cougar then. Lol

  2. Izuchy December 26, 2015 Reply

    Urch Nice One,love what you did with the Cougar tho

  3. amazing December 26, 2015 Reply

    Hahahahahah…..nice…lol

  4. Tobe December 27, 2015 Reply

    Disappointing…she didn’t fall for your ‘surprise’. I think you fell for hers. Lol.

  5. Tosyn Williams December 29, 2015 Reply

    I had forgotten that some part of the cat family bear the name cougar. Choi, bros, this is just a quick reminder that we shouldn’t always jump into conclusions of what things are. Nice piece, but make sure u still take the girl out for the romantic dinner.

    • Chisom December 29, 2015 Reply

      Hehehe. I see as you don pull shirt, siddon to read gist of sleeping with cougar. Chai, Tosman, the kingdom of Chineke is at hand oh ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Chisom December 29, 2015 Reply

    Great work with this piece, Uche. The twist is just ehn, GBOSAA. I mean, who woulda thought?! ๐Ÿ™‚
    Well done, bro

  7. Uncle Phil January 2, 2016 Reply

    Hahaha, nice one. After sleeping with the classmate, next thing a cougar, na wa oh! Hope u have deliverance sessions planned? Who knows what principle you’d be bending next, lol

  8. Yemie January 9, 2016 Reply

    This Author’s such a tease….I was totally outwitted on this one! The pun and wordplay’s simply mindblowing! He did get his wish for the night afterall, even if all it took was snuggling up to a Feline of the wild! Again, ignorance is bliss and I can just imagine the adrenaline rush that kicked in and coursed through his being upon discovering that in the dead of the night, he courted and romanced danger; and in fact, did come back from it! ‘Wickid’! LOL

    • Chisom January 10, 2016 Reply

      Feline of the wild? LMAO. Yemie, just gerrarrahia … leave your dictionary with me before you go please ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. veey May 31, 2016 Reply

    Lol…uche sha…dnt let ur head burst lol

  10. Oko July 12, 2016 Reply

    Nice one bro, I didn’t see that coming

  11. ANDREW July 22, 2016 Reply

    Lol.. YEYE Boy!.. Nice tho. Ur Good.

Leave your comment